We often hear from parents whose children have just come out as trans or nonbinary that they are shocked and there were no signs. They sometimes worry that their child was influenced by friends or social media. There seems to be so many more kids coming out as trans (and adults too!). These worries have increased during the pandemic with children spending more time online.
Are there more trans and nonbinary kids? Yes, in fact, there is a higher percentage of self-identifying LGBTQ2S+ people in younger generations.A 2017 Canadian survey found that 26% of those under 34 identified as LGBTQ2S+ and about 4% as trans or nonbinary. This compares to 8% of the population over 35 identifying as LGBTQ2S+ and about 0.6% of the population identifying as trans/nonbinary. Among youth, 15-17 years old, the percentage of trans people rose to almost 9% of the population. Is this because there are growing number of LGBTQ2S+ and trans people? In fact, this and a Gallup study in the US found it was simply because younger people felt confident in identifying themselves as LGBTQ2S+ or trans. There has always been more trans people than reported; many of us were closeted, and afraid to be visible. More acceptance in society, and especially in their peer group, affirming support and medical care, legal rights, improved visibility and more role models all help younger people feel confident in coming out, and coming out earlier.
Why don’t their parents see signs of their kids’ trans identity? Well, sometimes they do see a desire for gender non-conforming clothes, or behaviours. Trans folk come out when they’re self-accepting, ready to share, and ready to move forward. When we are exploring our identity, or coming to acceptance, we are tremendously vulnerable. Even in today’s more accepting society, we learn quickly that being different draws bullying and unwanted attention. So, until we’re ready, we deeply hide our identity. This is especially true of youth, who may fear the loss of their parent’s love and care which are essential to their existence.
And many parents worry about the speed at which their kids will transition, thinking medical transition will begin as soon as they come out. Of course, not all trans kids will medically transition; for some, social transition (clothes, hair, names, pronouns) are all they need. But, even for those that do wish to medically transition, it takes time. Youth gender clinics and doctors have long waiting lists, and evaluations must be done. For younger teens, the only medical step will be to prescribe puberty blockers; drugs that simply pause natal puberty. This gives everyone time. Blockers are completely reversible; stop taking them, and puberty resumes. It will be some time before further steps are considered.
The reality is that trans youth are very vulnerable, and subject to depression and anxiety at much higher rates than the general teen population. However, those youth who receive strong family acceptance, and support have significantly lower rates of depression and suicide. Further, affirming medical care has been shown to reduce the rate of suicide in trans youth by 40%. It’s wonderful to see trans kids grow and bloom as their true selves with loving family support and affirming medical care!